A man shared in a now viral post that he recently told his wife to “work on her insecurity” after she demanded that he “distance” from a female friend.
Submit reddit‘s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum under the username u/Remarkable_Weight237, the man explained that his wife Jessica never really loved his friend Madison because of their “colliding personalities.” However, things recently took a turn for the worse when the couple’s five-year-old daughter said she wished Madison was her mother.
The post has garnered more than 5,900 upvotes and more than 3,300 comments, while highlighting a fairly common relationship problem: jealousy.
At the beginning of his post, the man said he and Madison have been friends for years.
“This has never been much of a problem as I met Madison through her ex-husband, who is still one of her best friends, and we usually hang out with a group, so Jessica has never felt jealous or threatened,” he wrote.
While he claims that Jessica has never been “jealous” of Madison, he said they struggled to get along since Jessica has always had the “gut feeling” that Madison “looks down on her.”
“Madison has a glamorous life…Jessica is more of the girl next door type,” he said.
It finally came to a head over the weekend when Madison and her husband stopped by the couple’s house on their way home from a gala.
“Our 5 year old heard the noise and it woke her up… She saw Madison and said, ‘You look like a princess. You are so beautiful and your dresses are so beautiful. I wish you were my mother,’ the man remembers.
“Madison laughed and said ‘Aww thank you,’ which Jessica found insensitive,” the man continued.
In response to the comment, Jessica asked her husband to distance himself from Madison, but he refused.
“I snapped at her that she needs to work on her insecurities… I’m entitled to a life and friendships that aren’t dictated by her insecurities,” he said.
While u/Remarkable_Weight237 said his wife isn’t jealous of Madison, many Redditors have claimed that clearly isn’t the case.
Speak with vicetherapist Rachel Sussman said that jealousy is a fairly common relationship problem.
“It’s in human nature: to survive, to protect ourselves and to protect our families. We tend to think that someone can endanger our relationship and that creates some fear, a certain fear of losing this person,” explained. Sussman out. “We describe that feeling by calling it ‘jealousy,’ but it’s actually a fear that something could happen to your relationship and that you could lose the person you love.”
With this in mind, psychologist QuaVaudra Perry said that couples should approach conversations about jealousy in a “non-accusatory way.”
“Approach it in a non-accusatory way, like, ‘Hey, I’m pretty sure this is something neither of you are trying to do, but it makes me feel that way,'” Perry advised. “And then you have concrete examples.”
Some Redditors believed Jessica’s jealousy was unfounded and defended u/Remarkable_Weight237 for calling her out.
“NTA” [not the a**hole], you’re right, nobody did anything wrong,” u/Unnecessary_Timeline wrote. “She tries to control your social life to satiate her insecurities, rather than directly addressing her problems. She’s treating a symptom rather than the disease, so to speak.”
‘NTA – It’s not Madison’s fault what your daughter said. Your wife is jealous and insecure for no reason, those are HER problems to work on,” u/OrangeCubit said.
However, others accuse you/Remarkable_Weight237 of being “insensitive” to his wife’s insecurities.
“You and your wife are a team, maybe talk to her a little nicer and help her through it instead of berating her. YTA [you’re the a**hole],” noted /pjones192.
Redditor u/rachnich_1990 added: “YTA for being a callous jerk about your wife’s feelings in general. She tries to talk about how she feels and you shut her out, be a better husband, a *** hole .”
Speak with news weeku/Remarkable_Weight237 said he has since apologized to Jessica, but reiterated that he would not distance himself from Madison.
“I apologized for not correcting our daughter and explained that it was all about the dress and not Madison. I told her I felt bad seeing her hurt and asked if there was anything I could do but said that I wouldn’t limit my friendship with Madison because I was always outspoken that it was non-negotiable,” he said.
He also said that while he doesn’t think Jessica is “jealous” of his relationship with Madison, he does think she is “threatened” by Jessica’s lifestyle.
“Jessica really doesn’t think I want Madison…[but] I do think she is very much threatened by her lifestyle and her money.”
Of course, u/Remarkable_Weight237 isn’t the first person to go viral for their relationship drama. Other AITA posters making headlines for sharing their relationship issues include a man who: snapped at his wife after she came home from work, a woman whose husband said she… “no more mother” after her only child died, and a woman whose boyfriend failed to defend her after his brother made an “ignorant” comment about her fertility.